Bridezilla

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>So now that I am engaged I have had my eyes opened up to the work of Brideliness. I truly thought that the way people talked and fretted in wedding movies was not a realistic view of what happens. I was wrong.

I am having conversations with people about the whether or not bridesmaid dresses should be teal or mint. Satin or satinette? Below the knee or mid calf? Suddenly the very fabric of my reality is being torn- colours aren’t colours anymore. I read some descriptions of paper- camel, vanilla, latte. Is this food? Is there an industry standard for vanilla the colour? There isn’t!!! I know because I bought envelopes that was labelled as vanilla and it looks nothing bloody like the paper named vanilla. NO WONDER PEOPLE LOSE THEIR MINDS WHILE ORGANISING A WEDDING!!

Breath. Just breath, Back to reality. What is a Mantilla? What does Princess and A-line really mean? Are the lines between ‘tiara’ and ‘bejewelled headband’ being blurred just to irritate me? Is it inappropriate to say ‘I don’t really give a stuff’ to a dress shop assistant when asked if I would prefer buttons or a zip in the back of my dress? Should I have to invite my cousin who is socially handicapped and didn’t bother to RSVP to my engagement party just so I don’t offend any relatives? What kind of place makes you wear white gloves when you are inspecting their DISPLAY DRESSES???

One month ago my mum called me up excited talking about doves that she and found. Fifteen minutes into this discussion about how good they would look in the garden I realised that she was talking about FAKE ONES. Fake frickin’ birds in my garden wedding. This is MADNESS.

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